Tuesday, May 18, 2010

A new process begins...


I've finally accepted that I cannot work like this. My neuro has sent the word to my family doctor that he recommends indefinite disability status. My gut is so nervous about the future that I feel awful every day. Multiple Sclerosis symptoms are now pretty constant: two different ringtones in my ears, along with very poor hearing in the left; numbness and dysaesthesia in both legs to the thighs and no real balance to speak of; clumsy numbness in both hands and my face; visual acuity comes and goes. On top of that, asthma is taking its usual toll this time of year.

I'm a terrible driver and use the car as little as possible. My home is sort of a part-time prison, only I have no energy to fix it up. Tidying and sweeping takes most of my energy every day.

I won't go into detail about the incontinence, except to affirm that self-catheterization is a wonderful thing. That's only half of that story.

The bills are currently being paid by my employer's insurance, but that will come to a halt in a few weeks.

Today I go online to prepare for a meeting with Social Security. The information and documents are all collected, and I've been dreading the meeting tomorrow for over a week. Husband RJ wants to come along, but I see no reason for it, except that I am chronically fatigued. As often as that leaves me feeling faint, I haven't fainted since the February Solumedrol infusion. I refuse to be a fainting Victorian lady; I don't even own a corset, not even a cute, sexy one.

The bills must be paid at all costs. Literally.

This time "all costs" cannot include working, as I have since my diagnosis fifteen years ago.

Pretty pickle, isn't it?

Little Pond

1 comment:

Heard and Smith said...

Note to PB - please do not publish as a public comment!

Hi PB, this is a great post, I wanted to talk with you about being able to republish it on our new online magazine site (Living with a Disability: Live your life to the fullest) and of course link back here to your site & give a guest author attribution box to you also. We would also like to interview you about how you eventually got on disability too, lots of our readers are in the same place you were in that your problems made full time work not an option anymore leaving you to consider SSD/SSI. Look forward to hearing from you, Josh Eyestone eyestone@gmail.com