I've finally accepted that I cannot work like this. My neuro has sent the word to my family doctor that he recommends indefinite disability status. My gut is so nervous about the future that I feel awful every day. Multiple Sclerosis symptoms are now pretty constant: two different ringtones in my ears, along with very poor hearing in the left; numbness and dysaesthesia in both legs to the thighs and no real balance to speak of; clumsy numbness in both hands and my face; visual acuity comes and goes. On top of that, asthma is taking its usual toll this time of year.
I'm a terrible driver and use the car as little as possible. My home is sort of a part-time prison, only I have no energy to fix it up. Tidying and sweeping takes most of my energy every day.
I won't go into detail about the incontinence, except to affirm that self-catheterization is a wonderful thing. That's only half of that story.
The bills are currently being paid by my employer's insurance, but that will come to a halt in a few weeks.
Today I go online to prepare for a meeting with Social Security. The information and documents are all collected, and I've been dreading the meeting tomorrow for over a week. Husband RJ wants to come along, but I see no reason for it, except that I am chronically fatigued. As often as that leaves me feeling faint, I haven't fainted since the February Solumedrol infusion. I refuse to be a fainting Victorian lady; I don't even own a corset, not even a cute, sexy one.
The bills must be paid at all costs. Literally.
This time "all costs" cannot include working, as I have since my diagnosis fifteen years ago.
Pretty pickle, isn't it?