Thursday, April 21, 2011



This week my Recovery training finally kicked in.

I had not recognized my doctor's use of the term "resisting" when he diagnosed the depression.  It simply irked me that my neuro and my family practitioner had consulted "behind my back."

Classic "fearful temper."  And my decision not to attend any sort of therapy:  classic "sabotage."  It is not up to me to diagnose and reject the professional's prescription.

I have returned to my training and am re-reading the three books I acquired over the years.  If necessary, the website offers an updated bibliography.

My next doctor's visit will be in two weeks, I will discuss what happened with him.  If he still decides I need therapy, it is my job to follow through, one way or another.

And my last post?   Anyone trained in Recovery will recognize the sabotage and the resulting physical symptoms.  Most of them have abated.

Little Pond

Saturday, April 16, 2011


Either the Zoloft is working, or my daily walks with VeggiGirl are brightening up my day.

Still have uncontrollable shakes, and the sprain is intermittent and echoing at my hips.  I assume the pains in my hips are connected to some sort of compensatory body adjustment.  Still, I am determined to keep at the exercise, and a walking cane is mandatory for any foray from the house.

It's almost comical to witness and discuss my MIL's walking problems.  She claims she doesn't need a cane, but insists that the only problem is her balance.  Well, duh.  Same here. 

VeggiGirl suggests I use a walker in the winter, but frankly, that seems a bit extreme.  If the cane went out from under me, why wouldn't a walker do the same?  It's time to recognize that icy roads and sidewalks are a bit more dangerous for a woman with osteopenia.  My "sprained" finger still hurts, and hurts even more during exercise.  And it's interesting to note the discomfort I feel during the back stretching routine.

Oh, well.   I will do "as much as I can for as long as I can."  It's always worked in the past.

Little Pond

Monday, April 11, 2011

Informal update

At this time last year, it was just beginning to dawn on me that I was disabled.  I could not remember much about the past winter, especially Christmas of 2009, and I was frantically trying to get a grasp of my situation.

Now I do know that I did NOT have an exasperation.  The MRI showed no new damage.

What I did, and still do, have is a worsening of the symptoms.  I am now more tired than ever, although I am  working out as much as possible.  I walk with my daughter on the sidewalks near home, and every week I take her and the two dachshunds to the river for a leash-less visit.

Most of the feeling is back in my hands and legs, but heaviness is the rule, and not the exception.  I sleep eight hours a night and two more at noon.

I am taking very good care of myself, and am being treated for depression.  I know me:  I will adjust and I will come back.

But I cannot yet predict a return to work.

Little Pond