Tuesday, August 21, 2007

Why, God? WHY????


Our department head told me that this means "What's That For??" (a phrase heard occasionally in my home when growing up. The proper parent answer, especially if the swat was a mistake, victim-wise: In Case!)? But I digress.

Okay, God. You finally give me a break, a vacation in the midst of chaos at the paper. The likelihood is very high indeed that I will be laid off when I return. It's happened before to me... But I digress again.

Anyway, finally get a vacation. It's taken four days to wind down enough not to be sick over the troubles at the paper. Bought a twelve pack on Saturday. I allow myself no more than two beers a day. Will last all vacation, because I won't drink when I'm traveling, or more spedifically, driving. And chores, or building projects must be at least 2/3 done before indulging.*

VeggiGirl stopped by to do laundry and catch up with us. We split two beers between us. Two freaking beers. Long necks to be sure, but we are still talking a total of 12oz (35ml) of Miller High Life, my favorite, going down the pipes.

Result? Full blown allergies this morning, with asthma, sneezing, phlegm down the back of my throat, and of course, the irritable allergic innards cramps.

And might I add, the hangover. A HANGOVER from one beer. Dry mouth, sick stomach and tiny headache, sweats, the works.

Guess I'll never go to Oktoberfest in Germany or Busch Gardens. Not in this lifetime, anyway.

Little Pond

*Drinking while on a building project:

1st beer: This job's a piece of cake. Could do it blindfolded.
2nd beer: Taking longer than I thought. Maybe I should let it go until later.
3rd beer: Project? What project?

Adjust dosage for body type and tolerance.




One afternoon at Cheers, Cliff Clavin was explaining the Buffalo Theory to his buddy Norm.
Here's how it went:

"Well ya see, Norm, it's like this... A herd of buffalo can only move as fast as the slowest buffalo. And when the herd is hunted, it is the slowest and weakest ones at the back that are killed first This natural selection is good for the herd as a whole, because the general speed and health of the whole group keeps improving by the regular killing of the weakest members . In much the same way, the human brain can only operate as fast as the slowest brain cells. Excessive intake of alcohol, as we know, kills brain cells. But naturally, it attacks the slowest and weakest brain cells first. In this way, regular consumption of beer eliminates the weaker brain cells, making the brain a faster and more efficient machine. That's why you always feel smarter after a few beers."

Linda D. in Seattle

mdmhvonpa said...

Heh ... I thought it was Battlestar Galactica let the slowest ships get blown up by the cylons ... not buffalo. Although, I will say that buffalo are quite a bit more tasty than space ship rubble.

pb said...

So, let me see if I understand:

Stomping brain cells is actually good for me.

Or do I misunderstand:

I am the slower, weaker member of the herd, culled out as an embarrassment to the real drinkers.


Hand me a bottle of decent Scotch and another of Schweppes soda water and I'll take on all comers!

After all, it's not for nothing that I have adapted and survived the sucky immune system that was dealt me...