Saturday, September 23, 2006

Older can be Wiser

In the early days after my diagnosis, I read an awful lot of literature about MS and relationships. The message was this: MS is an strain on relationships, and they generally don't survive it.

This appears to be the case in many marriages. Even in my own family, one spouse left the other because MS broke their family. Not a good outlook for me.

My father told me a few years ago that he held my husband in high esteem because he stayed with me after the diagnosis.

Naturally I couldn't leave well enough alone. One day I cornered RJ, and asked him why he stayed, knowing how it would turn out.

It may just be his recognition of my survival powers, but it is most certainly a testament to my Other that his answer was simple and instantaneous.

"Just thought I'd hang around and see how it all turns out."

Silly me. No one "knows" how it will turn out. The journey is just as important as the destination.

Sometimes he is so wise it scares me.

Little Pond

7 comments: said...

A very touching commentary...thanks so much for sharing it!

Linda D. in Seattle

mdmhvonpa said...

Just to add to another exception to that rule, I told the Mrs a year+ before we got married that I just got diagnosed with MS ... it's now our 10th year of wedded bliss and we are stronger than ever before.

Miss Chris said...

I've had difficulty getting those close to me to see how it really is to have M.S. I know the unknown is the hardest part for them but they need to always remember it's hard for us too. I agree it is scary and the stats definitely are not in our favor.

Anonymous said...

Miss Chris echoes my sentiments. It IS scary to let people close to us (and not so close for that matter) to know we have MS.

I look "good" (amazingly good, actually!) so how can I be sick? Perhaps it's my porcelin white skin (it's anemia) or my massive weight loss that piled on me after IV Steriods? (caused by anemia as well)

Someone asked if I was getting "scoped" because I had possible cancer! UHHHH, can we stick to one disease please?????

The odd thing about MS is I don't understand it myself. If a Neuro doesn't understand it, how can I?

Unknown journeys scare me.

pb said...

From everything I have seen so far, life's an unknown journey. I am surrounded by people who cannot conceive of a future other than what they have planned.

When my doctor was testing his diagnosis options, he asked a lot of lifestyle questions. I had taken very good care of myself, and proudly answered all his questions.

"You've done everything right, but you still have Multiple Sclerosis." I was furious and spent the next six months smoking, drinking and generally feeling sorry for myself. Then I got over it."

Michelle said...

MS was a big factor in the end of my 1st marriage, but it wan't the only factor. It was used as an excuse for bad behaviour (on his part, not mine, I was too sick to be bad - HA!)

Each day with MS is new journey for us, we don't know what is going to happen from day to day sometimes, but neither do the people around us. I think it is easier for ME to feel bad than it is for my husband to have to WATCH me go through stuff. He's scared too and he can't do anything about it.

This is a good reminder for those of us who are doing good at this moment - live for today and expect that tomorrow will be a good day also. For those of us who aren't doing that great right now, hang on to the hope that tomorrow will be a better day.
I remember saying to myself over and over "I can't wait until I feel normal again".

pb said...

Absolutely right.

We may never feel normal again. I certain never have. Adaptation is the key to survival.

We have a lady at work who is over 80. She doesn't feel great everyday, but she comes in anyway. We can share our outlooks on life in our health. Not a kvetch-session, but a real sharing of attitudes and what works.

When I feel better, I really appreciate it. When I feel worse, I work through it, clean my house, got to work and look forward to better days.

Hey, same as everyone else, right?