Sunday, August 14, 2005

Happy Birthday to You.

Well, it's probably not your birthday; it certainly isn't mine. But I sang this song this morning. Three times.

When I am unwell, as I am some summer days, I take as little time as possible to dry my hair. My hair is unruly: not curly, not straight, but wavy and messy. Can't be air-dried to look like anything but a frizzy mess.

The heat makes my hands tingle and feel tired. My lower legs, too. (But I solve that by not kneeling. Sorry, God, still,
I know You understand.) But the hair has to look presentable. I'm too old for messy to be careless and cute.

This gets complicated, so stay with me: during the flu season we were told to wash, wash, wash our hands. And it worked, but we have to rinse them at least ten (twenty is better) seconds. With no clock, how does one calibrate the time spent?

Easy. Sing one round of Happy Birthday to You. That's about ten seconds. Sing it slowly to get 20 seconds. Better yet: Sing it like Marilyn Monroe sang it for JFK's birthday. Remember, those of you about my age? She sang it for his birthday, deep contralto-voiced and slow, sexy as all get-out. For those who don't remember MM, try it like Talulah Bankhead, or Greta Garbo, or some other Sexy Icon, and you'll get about 20 seconds.

Huh??? What about the hair??? With short hair, above the shoulders: blow it backward to the MM Happy Birthday, to straighten the bangs. Blow it forwards, right over the face, the MM way again. And blow it backwards, shaping it to the regular Happy Birthday. Frizzy hair needs another MM Happy Birthday, and you are done. Guaranteed. Going back and forth seems to help prevent the fatigue factor that foils styling jobs.

It's not my favorite 'do, but I look okay, and it's do-able.

So, Happy Un-birthday To You. (Don't sing the "un-" part: it messes up the timing.)

Little Pond

For Marilyn's version, click on Happy Birthday, then scroll down to the MP3 address and click. There are lots of sites with her song, for MP#, RealPlayer, etc. Use the Google portal in the sidebar! Don't be scared!

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