Saturday, April 01, 2023

 

Eye Drops and Dental Floss

 

Many years ago, when I was a little girl in a big family, eye-drops and dental floss were not really invented yet. Oh, I would guess that they were invented, but not mass marketed.

 

They were not on television and in the newspapers, nor on the radio. No doubt the very rich and the very sick were using them, but we weren’t.

 

The wheel of fortune (not the game show) has turned on such things. Eye drops began to enter my consciousness with Visine, which would “get the red out.” And dental floss eventually would be spoofed on Saturday Night Live with Body Floss, and finally with Bum Floss or Butt Floss, depending on where in America you lived.

 

I have to add analgesic creams to the list, because now I am officially a senior. In fact, people with Multiple Sclerosis, on the average, die (or used to die) at 62. The good news: I have passed my expiration date, as have many others like me. The bad news: it takes a ton of grit and money and lots of advertising for Interferons.

 

We now, especially us women, live to ripe old ages. In fact, I am much more likely to die of some intestinal complications or heart disease, like my parents, both of whom made it past 80.

 

But back to the title: it is with amused regret that I notice my cabinets and drawers are full of eye drops, dental floss, and of course analgesic creams. The last are a legacy of my deceased husband, who is finally at rest from all the accumulated results of smoking, lack of aerobic exercise, and of course, premature old age. He sadly advanced his senescence considerably by sticking to old habits, stroking them lovingly and giving them free rein with all the money he had at his disposal after a long life in public service.

 

And the drops, floss and creams now are still close at hand for me. The result seems to be a longer life, certainly longer than my poor grandmothers, one of whom died in her 30s and the other at 68. I happen to be 68 right now, although that will change by the end of the month.

 

Is it good to live longer? Overall, I would say yes. My poor mémère never saw any of us grandkids and my grammy died before my little sister was born. Both left broken-hearted husbands and children, scarred for life. Even my own mom, motherless from a very young age, was crushed by the death of her mother-in-law. One grandfather drank himself to death and the other hung on a few more years to see his youngest grandchild.

 

Where does that leave me? Frankly, I don’t know.

 

I have all my teeth, now shored up with crowns and fillings. My eyes are not yet dimmed by the cataracts that threaten my sight, and I climb all the stairs in my home regularly. I even own an old-lady tricycle—actually a fancy little Mobi Triton for the summers and a recumbent exercycle in the basement for the winters.

 

Is it better to live longer? Will I watch as my body slowly gives out, like an old car, losing a fender or some chrome here and there? That thought is thanks to Joseph Campbell, a personal hero of mine. He died in his sleep at 83, mentally capable and intellectually busy to the end.

 

But the MS is taking its toll. I have to hire out most of the cleaning and upkeep of this old prairie style house. It is small with little rooms and even smaller closets and baths. Oops, no bath. Just a powder room on the first floor, and I’ve replaced the bathtub with a walk-in shower. The analgesic creams didn’t keep my knees and ankles from suffering arthritis.

 

I have all my grandchildren, as well as my two daughters nearby. I use a Medical Guardian whenever I am feeling unwell, or about to face the previously unknown dangers in the shower. There is delivery for anything I need and various ways to get out of the house, even when I am not up to driving.

 

So, I am fortunate, and I know it. Feeling good is not the top of my list of blessings, but I have learned to deal with it, both medically and mentally. I am thrilled to have survived long enough to enjoy Virtual Reality. I can see the world and experience things I would never have otherwise.

 

Is it all worth it? I would say yes! How long can I keep it up?

 

Damned if I know.

Saturday, May 28, 2022

Already I am 68 years old. My parents made it into their 80s. I have found the reason I keep chugging along.

I never knew that there was a thing called SETH, until I read a book left at my work station in college.

As I get deeper into SETH, I am learning a lot about my inner self, or what I used to call my HIGHER SELF. Not sure I believe everything about it, but the part about controlling our lives rings true.

I have outlived everybody who ever trashed me. Sadly, I have also outlived anyone my age and older who has ever loved me. My children use me as a model for themselves and their grandchildren, however.

My first neurologist told me I had willed myself past the first crisis, and I generally have willed myself along ever since.

But Old Age brings new challenges. I have been hospitalized for systemic infection, started as a UTI. Fortunately, the Covid Crisis made the hospital kick me out as soon as they possibly could.

It is dangerous to ignore my health now, but I have daughters who monitor me, whether I like it not. I also wear an old Fitbit, and a V.Alert should I need it to call the kids. 

BTW, and LOL. I was stricken with the debilitating illness after bedtime, leaving me upstairs; I was too ill to get to the first floor. 

LOL again. I personally wired my home with Simplisafe and put sensors on all the doors. The EMTs had to call the police and fire department to break into my home to rescue me. 

Since I had been sick for hours, I was surprised to see that the entire neighborhood was watching as I came out the front door. The last thing I remember was noting the blue sky, morning sun--and all my neighbors. Then I passed out.

Final LOL. The EMTs couldn't get any info from me. Fortunately, I wear a Medic Alert and they tore the bracelet apart to get at the attached tag. Note to self: let the darned thing jangle: stitching it down tight is no help to First Responders!

My daughters and I were mortified. Hence the V.Alert . It notifies the kids first, then the EMTs

Just a suggestion for those who insist on living at home.

Like me.






 

Monday, November 05, 2018

Word of the day Big Pharma

Okay, that is really two words.

I just had a rather disheartening experience with BP.

Starting with what seemed suspiciously like a kidney stone, it resolved itself for one day in a bowlful of blood.

Okay, the kidney stone was gone, but the very next day, my bladder was so swollen and sore, that I could not sleep.  Up and down for the bathroom, and a ton of pain killers.

Stupidly, I guessed that it must have been the stone, and let it go another day.  Four days since the bleeding, with me taking those little red pills that turn the urine a bright orange, I could take no more and ran to the urgent care facility.

All our local doctors are too busy seeing healthy people on wellness visits to take a real sickness.  There are not slots for medical reasons.

I am now on a brand new drug that is an antibiotic.  Only an antibiotic, as I learned with I stopped the little OTC's for discomfort. 

Doctors love all the shiny new drugs that are shoved at them by their Big Pharma pushers.

Brand new drug, and a full day later, I am still in discomfort.  Back to the OTC for pain.  Not to mention only black and dark underwear and slacks.

Watch out for NITROFURANTN, or MICROBID.  It is bad enough to have MS, and recurrent UTI's, but incontinence creates one more  trouble.  I warned the doctor, but apparently the words Multiple Sclerosis meant little to her.

Saturday, November 03, 2018

Word of the day: Incontinence

If you are new to incontinence caused by MS, you will want to take note:


  • Never go anywhere outside the home without protection in place.

  • Never buy period protection instead.  I have a bad memory of a trip to a local restaurant where my sister gave me a period pad.

  • The bulky pads may hide well, but if your leakage is major, they don't work well enough.  Trust me on this.

  • Sometimes a cranky bladder really means that you need to empty your  bowels.  Better listen.

  • If you must self-catheterize, use a fresh one each time, or disinfect the catheter before you put it away WHERE IT CAN FULLY DRY.

  • Bladder infections are your worst enemy.  Stay home and take those little pills that turn your urine orange or blue.
  • Blue bladder infection pills can affect your eye color.  They are prescription.

A bladder infection is no joke, but it is even more unfunny when a MSer has one.

Tuesday, November 29, 2016

Free kindle book from JJ Leander for Advent!


CELEBRATE ADVENT!

In honor of the days leading up to His birth on Christmas Night, MEN SHALL DREAM will be offered FREE, so that you can enjoy my reverent and rather down-to-earth retelling of the event. Check on Amazon under the name JJ Leander or the title MEN SHALL DREAM  for your free kindle copy.

 December 5-9!

Monday, September 19, 2016

Two cleaning machines you must have

1--oreck xl, with or without hepa bags.

This is the lightest vacuum I've ever found.  The bags, even the cheaper, non-hepa ones, help filter the dust a lot more than bag-less anything.


Warning, the suction is impressive, but bothersome on those sticky, muggy days, when it causes more drag.


2--Dyson V6 Hepa


Handheld vacuum for cleaning up on furniture and walls, window sills, etc.  Very lightweight and extremely well set up for simple cleaning of filters and canister.  Cordless with three speeds, according to your suction needs.


Warning, when they say 6 minutes on the highest setting, they aren't kidding.  The lowest setting is enough for 16 minutes and seems to be enough for the amount of energy I can bring to any job these days.



Warning again.  The ad that shows them emptying the canister again and again is true, especially for those of us who fill our house with pets of varying fur length.


Prices:  The Oreck usually advertises at about US$300, but I found my latest one at Big Lots for $99.  US$299 is the current sale price on the Dyson cordless.  I went through Paypal, and got a bunch of attachments for free, most of them not really necessary.


Both Oreck and Dyson offer payment plans.


Pricey?  Yes, but lightweight and manageable, even if using a cane or walker.

Thursday, October 15, 2015

Now what?

This time last year I was recovering from ulcers and bleeding hemorrhoids.  I needed to take time to rest and recover, while still coping with all the changes wrought by the conditions.


I also needed to lose weight gained during a difficult summer of gut pain.


This did not happen.  In fact, in the springtime, I had the opportunity to hire dog walkers.  Two little girls came around to ask if we had a dog.  I said yes, but I walked her myself.


Then I realized that was a sort of lie.  I was walking Sarah, but not nearly enough for a dog.  Her growing belly confirmed this.


I called the kids' parents and arranged for the both of them to walk my dog.  I paid a tad more then they asked, in hopes that they would continue coming.


They not only came, but they were escorted by a parent, who saw to it that their girls were not exploited or in danger.  On top of that, they often brought siblings, because my Sarah gets balky when her routine is interrupted.  She had preferences, and they had security needs.


Well, I got rid of the worst of the excess pounds by cutting calories.  Yesterday, the walkers informed me that next week would be their last of the year.  I want to get them a little present to thank them.


They were not always prompt, and didn't call to let me know, but for elementary school kids, I thought they did pretty well.


The proof?  Well, Somebody has to walk Sarah this winter.  No other kids are coming forward, because Daylight Savings Time will make the streets dark and dangerous.  For little kids.


For a grown woman, it is time to step up and take the leash.


pb

Monday, October 05, 2015

The Sandwich is Going Bad

Wow.


I was wondering just when this "Sandwich Generation" thing was going to become unmanageable.  We have our answer: 


After years of doling out cash to help our money-strapped kids, THEIR kids now need expensive dental work.  The sort of thing our generation would have let go.  After all, those baby teeth will fall out.  There is no way my parents would have spent thousands of dollars on bad baby teeth.


Of course the answer is simple:  no more cash to give them.


Now for the upper crust of the sandwich.


My MIL is losing it.  Really, really losing it.  I don't think it looks like Alzheimer's, but more like dementia.  On the other hand, there are no outside influences to look into for her memory loss.


She can't hear, and cannot manage hearing aids.  She fears the neighborhood is too quiet, so she can't rest at night.


We are finding lunches and suppers left in the microwave.  She loses anything that isn't nailed to her hands.  Even her stories, which we've heard a million times are starting to suffer from her memory loss.


The only good thing is that others notice it too.  Now family is starting to come forward to help.  Goodness knows I am stretched beyond the limit.


After two weeks of nonstop coughing, snotting and just feeling gawd-awful, I no longer am able to stop by.  I dread what I will find.


It's time to call her, and I am afraid to dial the number.  What new problem is waiting?  And will it be another unsolvable one?  Or will it be another indication that medical intervention is needed?


Will I be able to handle it?


How long will I be able to handle her?


pb
Little Pond



Monday, July 06, 2015

Well, we seem to have sorted out most of my physical troubles.  But I still have MS and I still have reflux and pain in my duodenum (upper gut). 


It's six am and I have been awake since four.  It's my own fault, because I ate hot dogs and macaroni and cheese.  I feel like my fingers turned into the hot dogs.


Today I will return to my low sodium diet with a vengeance.  Watch out, zucchinis!


Helpful tip:  it's easier to take the time to put on those nail gel tips, than to try to use nail polish.  And they last a good week or so.  Just be sure to massage them after dishwashing or showering.  I use a towel.


Also, if your doctor warns you about gaining weight with MS, take it to heart.  Put on about 10 pounds this last winter, and can hardly climb stairs, even while dragging myself up by the arms.


Love the way the fat fills in the wrinkles on my face, though.

Friday, August 01, 2014

Can't go out to the garden alone

I just wiped out a third of all our zucchini plants.


"Help, I've fallen and I can't get up"  just played out in our backyard.


Fortunately, Husband RJ came to help.  Unfortunately, I had no strength in my legs or knees.  I told him to grab my waist or butt and pull.


But I outweigh the old man by about 20 pounds and he couldn't manage it.  I pitched forward from a squat into the zucchinis.


Finally he planted his legs and grabbed my arms and pulled straight up.  My legs were no help.


I bawled out loud for a second or two.  Then we picked up the mess and I went in the house to make supper.


pb

Monday, June 23, 2014

This time it's not MS

After a sonogram, an upper GI endoscopy, and a perfectly lovely colonoscopy, the verdict is in.


  • gall bladder is distended (whatever THAT means)
  • there are duodenal ulcers
  • there are also interior hemorrhoids.  Well, at least they don't stick out.
  • I have diverticulosis.
Now believe it or not, I know what diverticulosis is.  And I know what hemorrhoids and duodenal ulcers are.   Furthermore, it is no surprise that my gall bladder was distended.


Gall bladder and diverticulosis and hemorrhoids are all in my family history.  My mother just died after a long battle with intestinal troubles and diverticulosis or even diverticulitis was common for her.  And the other two, well it had to be something, right?


Now what to do?  I will see the doctor again on Thursday. Maybe he can shed a clue.


Because I have none.

Sunday, June 15, 2014

After three years of work

TIME HEALS:  The First Nexuses  is finally published.  I gave up trying to find proofers for it, as so few people around me have the time.  It actually took longer to research and write the darned thing, but only since I went on disability have I had some serious time.


As an editor myself, I could have spent another three years revising Time Heals, but since my MIL was widowed, time is scarce.  I wanted to see publication before I died.


Are they still saying that MSers on the average die around 62?  In that case, I can still enjoy the fruits of my work, if any.



Tuesday, April 15, 2014

As I was going to St. Ives

I met a man who lost his eyes.  When I was first diagnosed, there used to be an MS Society branch in town.  (Thanks for nothing, MS Society.)


There, I met a man who awoke the week before to find he was rapidly losing his sight.  When I say rapidly, I mean that this man could now no longer drive a car, just one week later.  He had learned that he had MS and expected to be completely blind in a few weeks.


So why on earth would I skip the eye doctor for two years?  Yep, two years, during which my sight deteriorated enough that my glasses were no longer any use to me.


I am now the happy owner of new lenses and a much clearer outlook on life.  Even as I write, I can sense the strange numbness/tingling completely ringing my eye socket.  I am tired and can almost feel the muscle drooping.


Lesson learned:  Get thee to an Eye Doctor.


What's more, if you have MS, you need an ophthalmologist and not just an optometrist.


If you don't have one, get one.


pb
Little Pond

Monday, April 14, 2014

Home remedy for MS?

Is it just me, or is everyone losing their hearing and sight?  What I mean is, can we have had such a looooong winter that we are all more than one year older this Spring?


Oh, I know all about the grief thing, but keep in mind that we had a very, very bad year.  I knew Mom and Dad were losing their grip on life.


It seems that the hearing is worse.  I know that the sight is going.  The MS is acting up again;  I will need to lose weight to regain function.


And, I have learned that gray hairs are kinkier than my old brunette ones.  I now use Vitamin E and Cocoanut Oil to condition and mousse.  By the way, cocoanut oil is an excellent  all purpose moisturizer.  On the other hand, it's pretty expensive, but not more than any other conditioner.  For my hair, I just use a couple drops of E and about a half-teaspoon of cocoanut oil and rub them together.  Keeps my skin clearer than any skin cream too.


Now if only I could find a home remedy for the hearing and sight.


pb
Little Pond

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Ooops

Okay, so it's been some time since I went on hold.


Frankly, I should have known.  No sooner did I think I was doing well than I began slipping.


I am now depressed over many things, not the least of which are the deaths of my parents and the time and energy suck of checking in with my MIL.


Please don't get me wrong.  My MIL is an ancient dear.  I love her to pieces.


But.


On a day to day basis, it is draining the life and peace out of me.  She is slipping, slipping, slipping, and I am not up to it.  I only check in on her a couple times a week, but then it's damage control.


She's just barely self-sufficient and increasingly lonely without her husband.  She does little things that herald her need for assisted living.  Last week she decided to sweep her porch after dark.  Locked herself out.  A neighbor came to her rescue.


She is content to rely on her neighbors.  She knows that every incident brings her closer to assisted living.  She won't contact us during these crises.


We got her Great Call 5 Star, and are hoping for the best.


In the meantime, I am not really up to dealing with her decline.


My own is giving me enough trouble.


pb


btw:  looks like it's time to redesign

Wednesday, February 27, 2013

This site is on hold

After all these years, I am in a holding pattern.  On Disability and maintaining well on Copaxone, I rarely have anything new to add.  Occasionally I post to Pat's Pond and you can look for Ms stuff there, too.

patspond.blogspot.com/

Anything new happens, I will start up here again.

Love to All

pb
Little Pond


Friday, December 14, 2012

Broken heart, Aging body

On a brightly sunny morning, Ellie and I returned to her favorite shore near the Gateway of the Chemung River. Her ashes were scattered to the wind and onto the water, right where she loved to swim. We were watched only by a lone eagle and three inquisitive gulls, who checked to see if anything good was being offered.
The Chemung will never feel the same for me. And I am no longer the River Hag with her familiar, a little brindle digger-dog, hunter-dog, RiverDog.
Birders and Hikers: don't give your heart to a faithful four-footed follower.
She'll break your heart too soon, for sure. Far too soon.
pb
Little Pond

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Rest in Peace, Ellie

June 1, 2002 - November 24, 2012

My Huggamutt Cuddlebum

See you in the morning, Little One.

Love GrammaDog

Thursday, November 15, 2012

The Snowball Effect

Ok, so we go to the ER.

ER sends me to my Neuro.

Neuro now wants to send me for an MRI.

She also wants me to get new glasses.

Ambulance, ER, MRI, new glasses.

It's going to be a lean Christmas this year.

pb
Little Pond